On Financial Domination- My Thought Process To Date

There is so much to catch up on… I admittedly have been living life in the r/t, both vanilla and kink.  But the little bit of time I do have for online has been spent on fetlife, which has prompted a recent experience that got me off my writing slump.  I  recently joined in on a Financial Domination conversation that someone from my friend’s list commented on.  The group is a satire based group that makes fun of ironies or something.  It’s hard to describe, but if you have been following my discussions, then I am sure you can figure it out and classify it however you see fit.  Anwyays, the comments weren’t bad, just typical.  Typically mocking the fetish and the participants as many do often.  It’s not like I can blame them, there is a grave misunderstanding about what the kink is about, and as a result most people don’t see it as very relatable.  Also, most of the faces you see on the frontline are those who are insincere, scammers, fakes, etc.  So, people are right to be cautious. 

So, for whatever reason, I felt inspired to write to those on the thread and share my insight on the subject- from my perspective as a female lifestyle domme who participates in Financial and Professional Domination.  Here is what came of it (edited, though).

As for the latter part of your previous response, asking me to correct your potential mistaken-ness, if in fact you were mistaken in your impression, well, that is a bit harder to do. As with all things in life and kink, it’s all subjective. And furthermore, as with kink especially, there is a very heavy pendulum that swings from side to side, resulting in a balancing effect at the end of the day, but not before it completely skews everything to either side first.

In my opinion, financial domination isn’t something that is relegated to the lowly financial dominant or professional domme. In fact, many lifestyle dominants can and do partake of the benefits of this fetish, sometimes without even knowing it, while other times being fully aware of their actions, yet choosing to call it by another name. I am a lifestyle dominant who dabbles in pro and financial (yes they are very separate things).

I was brought into the “scene” because of Financial Domination and few other fetishes (no strings housework, errand service, foot worship, hair fetishism, etc), so it does hold a special place in my heart for opening up the world of possibilities to an repressed black girl struggling with her own identity in, at the time, a predominantly, white, affluent, yuppie, sleepy college town where I partook in the yuppiesms at school.  Now, since having grown within the last 4 years of My time in this scene, I have expanded from those starting fetishes listed above.  So, I in no way consider myself to be exclusively a Financial domme, but on some sites where it is applicable or an available option, I do usually select that I am one because it is taboo and I am truthful about it being on of my taboos. Also, of course I want to attract other like minded people interested in the kink, whether it be for community or play.  But just as any kink, there must be compatibility and consent before engagement, and because not everyone is into financial domination, coupled with the fact that it is not my only interest, I don’t impose it on anyone disinterested in it or engage with everyone in that way.

Understandably, however, like all things good, there are idiots, trolls, and opportunists (the bad kind) who give any one thing a bad name- financial domination isn’t unique to this at all (see many examples of other fetishists- foot, castration, female supremacy, adult baby, cbt, trample, strap on and other fringed activities).  Many times, because of the fetishists who are overzealous about their kink fulfillment (“wham-bam, thank you ma’amers” as DemonKia refers to them), legit partakers and lumped into the same category as the rest of the babbling fools. This blanket syndrome is absolutely what casts the largest misleading shadow over the kinks legitimacy. Other reasons why people shun the fetish run the gambit, but I would say that second most reason is due to the patriarchal, oober-religious, and internalized misogynistic attitudes towards mixing business with pleasure. Money, power and sexual exchanges have always been an issue that the male centric, hetero-normative ideologies of western cultures have fought to oppress.

Having said that, there is no getting around the obvious fact that financial domination attracts a lot of attention from all sides. For one, there is a very real benefit potential- receiving money. Money is power.  But with power comes corruption just as with potential comes great risk.  Scams, ruination, etc. are all legitimate concerns for anyone.  However, as money IS the most tangible power we have in our current society (no matter what means you use to acquire it), by the very nature of capitalism, financial domination is almost doomed to attract all the attention it receives.  It doesn’t help, that the country is in a recession, so just from a pure captialistic POV, any and all the players coming to the table hoping for their piece of the pie aren’t as stupid as we are willing to write them off as.  But, no one will deny that so many of these players are stupid, if not downright comical, for the tactics they employ in trying to do so.

Earlier I said that this is a fetish for anyone, lifestyle dommes included, but it also extends to male doms as well, though more successful with gay male doms than straight ones…

Tangent time: (for various reasons, that gay culture, be it in BDSM or in Vanilla, is still a relatively oppressed one, though less oppressed in BDSM than Vanilla, but because of this, it shares a commonality with female domination, in that it is a subculture of the dominant ethnic group.  As a result, both are more likely to be fringed, however, because of this, I believe, hetero male doms who aren’t into Gor [another sub culture of the dominant ethnic group], have a harder time getting female subs to buy into the idea of seeking extra-relational monetary exchanges for services of a sexual nature.  For one, gender roles often state the the man is supposed to take care of the woman, but also, two, because of the physiological nature of humans, women can generally acquire sex more easily males are more physically wired than females are- so why would a female pay unless it was structured as part of her responsibility to her submission?)

…but lifestyle dommes, nonetheless. Lifestyle dommes often require their subs to buy them things, which is all falls under the umbrella of financial domination. Financial domination isn’t just the direct exchange of money, it is also the exchange of goods and commoditable services.  It also extends past the simple giving of money to include all things financially controllable, such as saving, investing, shopping, sharing of resources, and donating, etc. I have had subs do all of these things per my direction and discretion. I have not had all subs do these things, however. 

“But of course,” you say, my sub is going to spend a little money on this relationship. And why not?  As a female domme I enjoy being courted just like many other women.  Also, I respect a sub willing to invest the same amount of resources into this relationship as I do.  Am I supposed to be the only one spending my money on toys and treats that the sub will of course benefit from?  Also, what if I want a sub to cook me a nice dinner, am I wrong for requiring that they purchase the food as well (if they can afford it)?  Of course not.  Does this SOUND familiar to you?  Have you done these things for your Dominant or required this of your submissive?  “I want my car wash or my house cleaned, but 1st stop by the store and grab some supplies.”  Financial Domination is there, no matter how you look at it.

As for whether or not it is as easy as it looks. It’s definitely not as easy as it seems, but nothing about this scene is. For one, under financial domination falls 2 categories, fetishism and domination. And with all fetishes, you have to be skilled to perform it well and responsibly. Because fetishists aren’t often into the domination aspect of it, in one way it can be easier for those who are just kinksters also not wanting to further perpetuate a D/s power exchange and associated jargon.  But, because of that, it is equally harder to facilitate as you don’t have the natural submissiveness of a financial sub working in your favor. It is definitely much more “pay to play” or PRO-esk since the engager is requiring something in exchange- the eroticism of the extraction.

On the other hand, the more D/s side of things is equally easier and harder.  Easier in that the natural submission of a male sub (framing this from my sexual perspective) makes it more “doable” to facilitate financial domination in line with other services that benefit the top.  But, it is also a challenge as, from my perspective, it has the same general problem that femdom has on a whole- male submission.  Male submissives take a lot longer to come to terms with their submissiveness and reconciliation of their own male privilege, not to mention, men in general can take forever to grow up. So, I have found JUST as hard of a time finding a suitable long term financial sub as lifestyle sub (based on my own experience of seeking a lifestyle sub without any financial overtones for 1.5 years of the 4 years I have been kink aware- BDSM or strictly financial). Interestingly enough, the converse of finding a short term financial sub is much easier and in many ways more fulfilling for me, than it is finding a short term lifestyle sub. I say “more fulfilling” because subs who seek me for financial service, be it as a component of their D/s service or in fetish play, often enjoy edgier play, which is what I am primarily into. Also, they understand what to means to sacrifice tangible power, and because of this, don’t have much issue sacrificing their other resources (time, effort, etc), their identity (they don’t glorify it the same way as lifestyle subs do) and their independence, etc per my discretion. This is something I appreciate greatly- because if there aren’t any arguments about money, there aren’t many arguments in general.

Now, on the subject of sustainability, there are the 1 timers who do this out of curiosity, effectively carcing out secondary category under the fetish side of the spectrum.  That group is comprised of many “dommes,” naturally, but some subs too. However, they truly are only there for the one time to experience the hub-bub, and once they are done, they are gone, leaving exacerbating the disparity in one-timer dommes which leads to a lot of the trolling behavior many hate to see.  That trolling behavior is hated by all people, both in and out of the kink.  Financial dommes retention rate is just as bad as is probably only second to the greater female domination retention rate because it is hard to sustain, especially when so many are misguided or simply unwilling to put for the effort to increase their skill and nurture their sub’s longterm submission.  But there is no REAL findom community.  What is currently out there is fueld by the same petty dramas, fakers, BS that the larger BDSM scene- except the more is as stake since tributes only go the dominants deemed most deserve or the biggest sell outs- however you may choose to look at it.

On a whole other flipside of this coin, most financial dommes and pro dommes don’t get along. Also, most pros don’t even know what to do with the idea of financial domination. Fin & pro dommes don’t see eye to eye in regards to the responsibilities of the sub in their care. By this, I mean that a lot of financial dommes are reckless with their sub’s resources, thus breaking the sub and helping to delegitimize the kink, where as most pro dommes want repeated business and focus more on keeping the client around longterm. Also, most pro dommes are more interested in providing a direct tangible experience in exchange for their client’s money, whereas, many financial dominants see their interactions as enough, if the sub is truly humble.

Another difference that thwarts pro dommes about the financial kink is the fact that financial domination takes a lot of mental planning. Most pro dommes don’t find it advantageous to their time if they can make similar amounts of money being completely physical, which also helps in the line of work where compartmentalizing everything is crucial to ones own mental health.  Conversely, however, financial dommes often blur those lines because they want their sub to no longer recognize the distinction between what is his and what is his dominants. In fact, for a good findom and sub, there is no line.  All is accessible at any time per the consent of the sub and the discretion of the dominant.  Where as, with pros, they can only have what is agreed and allocated in and by the prenegotiations.  Nevermind that many financial dommes aren’t willing to do any domination in person (strangely enough, a lot of pro dommes retire to financial domination once they marry or move on from the business).  So, needless to say, a big defining difference in what classifies the two subsets of domination is the willingness to meet in person or not to facilitate any kink activity.  Pros often think financial dommes are fake because it is mostly remote based control, where as fins think professional dommes are fake because the consider a lot of pro domme activities to be “prostitution,” when it is not (there is a different between an “escort” dabbling in kinky roleplay and a pro domme.  Pro domination is actually very structured and respectable.).  And funnily enough, while most fins uphold ideals of female supremacy, their attitudes towards sexuality often perpetuate said misogynistic ideologies.

Now, as for why I do any of it.  Sometimes, I question why I bother with the lifestyle stuff at all.  There are periods where I definitely DON’T find happiness in what I do because, the pool of compatibility, for me, is small and shallow one.  Being black, plus size, “hardcore” are all things that work against me in a mainstream way.  Fetishwise, sure, I get lots of fetishists loving this ONE thing about me, whatever it may be, but as I am not into THAT kind of objectification, their appreciations aren’t often reciprocated.  Aside from that, I am very picky and particular.  I want certain things, I wont tolerate certain others, and coupled with the fact that living in a conservative capital city that is also new the mecca of kink, there aren’t always plenty of fish in my local sea to choose from.  Also, being a leader makes it hard.  I have to be self aware at all times.  But I find that people haven’t really held my leadership position against me much, maybe because I am upfront about how I feel about things in a none alienating way.  Or maybe they do hate me because of it, but just wont tell me to my face.  Probably a healthy mix of both, either way, it makes up only a small amount of consciousness.

What I really enjoy the most about financial domination, besides the obvious power exchanges I mentioned earlier, and even some professional domination is the freedom.  The freedom to be a flaming cunt if I so choose.  No matter if I am on my period, if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or feel like being a bitch just because my financial and pro subs never judge me for it.  In fact they love me for it more.  They adore my intensity, my bitchiness, the empowerment, which in turn, empowers me to explore the depth of the side that both vanilla and kink often try to oppress in me and other women.  Now, I am not shitting completely on my kink experience.  I love that kink opened a door for me to be as strong, as empowered, as feministic, and bitchy, and whatever I wanted.  But the door is a very wide door which leads into a very small room for female dommes (in my opinion).  I STILL feel oppressed by male counterparts.  I STILL feel lesser respected because I haven’t done x, y, and z for as long as they have or whatever.  You would think a male dominant wouldn’t care as much as another female dominant as there is no direct competition with a male dominant even if the female domme is seeking female subs.  But it’s true, there is a tension between male and female dommes and I often feel the underhandedness of their comments or lack of acknowledgment.  But in financial domination, not much of that exists.  Even the few male dommes in that scene have a stronger comradery with the female dominants- possibly because they are outnumbered and don’t want ruffle feathers.  Who knows.  All I know is that I enjoy being less p.c. and more m.e. through my engagement with the kink.

Also, to coattail on what I just said, I relish in the glorification.  It does wonders for my ego and self esteem.  I find it delicious to indulge in ways that I know I deserve but aren’t always available for me to partake in.  Within financial and professional domination, I am, even for the fetishists, I treat that the sub themselves indulge in, even if just for a short term period of time.  And because there are money and resources involved, I find that they tend to be more serious about it all.  The subs do fuck up, but less, because they realize what is at stake- those loss of what they cherish most, and their money (LOL).  But seriously, if I impose a reconsideration fee that is doubled what they paid last time, you start to understand that you don’t take the relationship as lightly as I have found, lifestyle subs to do (and what dominant/woman wants to be second?).

So, as you can see there is a big difference between financial and pro, and less of a difference between lifestyle and financial as one might suspect. There is never a clear cut answer as to whether or not it is easy to do or what about it makes it worth doing for either participant, as “it” really varies from individual to individual.  Hopefully this in depth write up can better help you understand some of the various aspects behind the kink, itself, as well as what fuels the motives of those who engage in it.  Specifically, if you are on my friendslist, hopefully, it will help you better understand me as a person so you wont pass judgment when you see me posting groups or on conversations that talk about the fetish

Pick your poison, but choose wisely…

Online Queendom | Realm Of Servility | Divine Real-Time | Imperial FemDoms

 

 

Double Fuckery- NF Pro Session Lines Open

My ignore line will be on as I do a pro-domme session tonight with a friend.   If you wanna call it, I urge you to do so quickly.  you wouldn’t wanna miss out on this. rare opportunity.  Of course, if that doesn’t suit your fancy, feel free to gamble your life and your life’s savings away on My Financial Domination Line @50/hr.

For the rest of you, too scared to give in JUUUUST yet, your orders are as follows:

Pick your poison, but choose wisely…

Online Queendom | Realm Of Servility | Divine Real-Time | Imperial FemDoms

 

 

More Updates: Boots, SF & Tributes

I am a little behind on My updates, and while as tempting as it is to scrap the whole process, and just start from current, I have some great pics to share, so, instead I  figured I would post them and give some mini details as to what was going on when I took the pics.

On the 10th, I attended a women only, fetish party where I had My lovely boots shinned to a fine luster. 

Also, I found out more about the Ms SF Leather contest which I was offered a chance to run.  I declined, but think it might be cool for next year, once I am able to find out more information about it.  It’s on Oct 2nd, so if I have nothing going on that weekend, I will try to attend the events.

The following days, Sept 11-12th, we spent in San Francisco, San Jose, and Santa Cruz.  I initially went to SF, but ended up meeting with an old sub for lunch/dinner at a very delish Thia house.

It had been awhile since I had seen him last, but over dinner, I realized that he is a worthless good-for-nothing, and I am better for not dealing with his sorry ass.  But at least dinner was pleasant! 

On Sunday, I spent the day in Santa Cruz and found this really cool cap (pic of Me wearing it previously posted on My twitter) while shopping for vintage wares and antiques finds for My office.

Also in Santa Cruz, I found a couple of really weird vintage photos of trannies in Lingerie.  I considered getting them, but they were really ugly, so I didn’t.  In retrospect, I would have gotten them and made your faggieass jerk to them.

Anyways, after prying Myself from the clutches of perfect weather and fine dinning, I left My old stomping grounds, but not before munching on some delish BBQ and visiting My fav Pizzaeria!  I didn’t make it home until late on Sunday Night, but it was worth it as My time was spent with some old friends in the Cruz.  Oh, I almost forgot to mention, before taking off, I stopped by an antique store with A, and in talking to the really cuddlesome, pervy gay shoppekeeps, My being a kink-genious came up, along with foot fetishism and one of them wanting to suck My toes.  Where do I find these guys?  lol.

Speaking of toes being suckable, I also took some pics of My of the soles of My feet pre and post SF.  Who woulda thought that after walking around in filthy SF, ones feet could be so dirty?? 

On Monday and the days that followed, I ended up having the massive headache I spoke of in My last glib post, but was happy to have received the list of tributes I tweeted about and snapped pics of with My new camera which I LOVE!

The Training of glib

So much has been going on that I haven’t been updating My blog much.  And I know how you rely so desperately on the updates of My life, to feel close to Me, you shadow lurker.  So wait no more, your Queen has the goods. 

Listen up.

So, last week, I spoke with the glibertarian a few times about a few different things.  For starters, I’ve been working on deepening his love for Me.  Ritualization is the method, My Superiority, the tool.  With every conversation, he must call Me back in a timely manner, should he miss the call.  he Must tell Me he loves Me- and when asked, recite how he loves Me, also in a timely fashion.  Lastly, he MUST thank Me in the way in which I have trained him- Time, Privilege, Opportunity.  Always.  glib also is still on his regiment… the one I blogged about previously. 

Because I was pleased with him, I allowed him to have a moment of pleasure on his work break.  he is in chastity, for how long, I haven’t decided, but I decided I would allow him to not only stimulate himself, but also with his bare hand.  the boy, for a fiscal conservative, libertarian sales man, is very out there.  he’s got his balls and dick pierced, as well as both nipples, which is great because he wont mind adding a few others per My orders, but strange nonetheless because of his profile.  So, aside from stimulating MY cock, I let him touch his nipples, too.  It was kinda hot, I am not going to lie.  I have one wicked sexy voice- have you heard it?  you should.  Anyways, I teased him, made him edge, made him expose himself in his company parking lot, made him slap MY cock, abuse his nipples and beg to be My bitch.  It was really fun and again, really hot… so much so that I wish I would have recorded it.  Maybe next time, since My phone has the capability (I just need to figure out how).  I wasn’t going to give him the chance to cum, but before I could even tell him, he had to pull up his pants for fear of being caught with them down.  So, that pretty much killed his buzz anyways.  Nice!

Overall, up until about Wednesday, the bitch was doing well.  Then… he showed his ass- to be expected, of a silly, little, pathetic male.  I had a raging headache from going out of town the weekend of the 11th that insisted on making My week hell.  So, needless to say, I was less than willing to put up with any bullshit.  Of course, glib, being the silly, little, pathetic male I spoke about, he fucked up royally by withholding information when I inquired about his finances.  So, how it came up was that I was talking about his upcoming visit next month, and My upcoming visit in November, I asked him about his home, finances, etc.  he nervously tried to evade answering the questions because all of a sudden it was a long, bad day and he didn’t feel like talking… yet, he continued to talk about how long of a day he had.  In the meantime he could have more than answered My question.  So, I blew his hair back even though I was having a headache.  Of course for that, he got in double trouble.  So, after hanging up on him and ignoring his call for almost an hour, I called him back and gave him the riot act, and told him to expect to be punished for his actions after I put some thought into how I was going to do it. 

After sleeping on it, I let him know that he had a 2 part punishment, which would consist of him having to write 50 lines stating that he was sorry for what he did.  The 2nd part was making a $25 dollar donation to the reelection campaigns of Senator’s Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein and show proof of the transaction, as well as sign up for their newsletters.  If you can imagine, it just KILLS him to have to do this- he hates democrats and republicans alike, but especially democrats because they want to get their hands on his money!  What he doesn’t realize is that it’s really not his money to protect, but either way, this punishment was more than “just dessert” for him.  I also make him call the Senators “Goddess” instead of what he really wants to call them, because regardless of his political affiliations, he needs to still respect them as Women who are Superior to his lowly ass.

Something else I have been doing with glib is making him call Me different titles in different scenarios.  When we talk politics, he calls Me Governess.  When I dominate his sexuality, he calls Me Master.  And in general conversation, he calls Me Ma’am or Miss when he’s out in front of others, and then Madame or Mistress when he’s alone with Me.  It’s a lot to keep track of, but he is doing moderately ok.  Of course, moderate service is never enough.  We’ll see how he continues to step it up to serve his Queen.

Pick your poison, but choose wisely…

Online Queendom | Realm Of Servility | Divine Real-Time | Imperial FemDoms

 

 

Six Inches of Sexy, and Then Some!

I’ll likely wear this (when it comes), thanks to My little r/t perv. 

so cute!

My personal photoshoot with the photographer, who took the same pics for the calendar shoot, had to be scheduled for after Folsom Street Fair, which is at the end of the month.  It’s going to be hotness. 

Kinda like Me.  Do your duty.  Then de·vote thyself to the Queen

Pick your poison, but choose wisely…

Online Queendom | Realm Of Servility | Divine Real-Time | Imperial FemDoms

 

 

NYC, better get ready!

Ok, so I received My itinerary in My email this morning.

 

So, it’s official.  I will be blessing the East Coast with My presence.  If you want to get fucked up, I dare you to drop Me a line.

While there, I plan on dinning, shopping and hitting the local scene to see how NYC plays.  Of course, I will be escorted by one of My lucky bitches, but never fret!  …There is always an opportunity to serve Me.  Whether prior to My trip, or once I have touched down, you can send tribute online or I can burn through your winter resources in person, should you be found worthy.

While there, I plan in visiting Boston to see how they roll and of course, to send glibertarian over the edge with all over superior presence.

If you are a Domme friend, let’s hook up- Nikki, you already know we have to get together again!

Visit My Tribute page get the snowball rolling.

Pick your poison, but choose wisely…

Online Queendom | Realm Of Servility | Divine Real-Time | Imperial FemDoms

 

 

Pedicure Perfection

I’m in a good mood today, so I will share something that I previously was not going to.  Last week, when I was offline for a few days, I had an amazing pedicure done by My favoritist salon.  Hot stone treatments, paraffin wax, sea salt exfoliate, aroma therapy heated oils, half leg/foot massage, organic nail treatment, etc, etc, etc.  you get it, right?  Basically, the whole works.  It was heaven! 

So, I snapped a few pics with My phone so you can have a look see. Enjoy foot pervs.  And when you’re done drooling over My perfect peds, make sure you tribute them for their next spa escape via My Tribute page.